Have you been wondering whether you're ready to date after a divorce? Divorce is one of the hardest life experiences anyone will go through. It brings grief, fear, and uncertainty about what the future may hold. But it also brings new starts filled with endless possibilities.
If you've been through a divorce, the chances are you haven't dated in a long time. Here are some of our best dating after divorce tips to help you ease back into the dating pool and find love again.
How to Embrace Love After Divorce
Let Go of the Guilt and Shame
Divorce is never easy, and you may be struggling with feelings of guilt, shame, and even failure. Most of us enter into a marriage with the intention of staying married for life. We choose to marry someone and build a life with them because we believe that they are our forever person. So when all that comes crashing down, whatever the reason, it can leave us with a deep sense of shame.
But it's important to remember that the ending of your marriage shouldn't define your worth. Around 50% of marriages end in divorce or separation, so you're not alone. No matter how or why your marriage ended, start by realizing that sometimes it just happens, and learn to forgive yourself. Let go of all those feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and shame, and know that everyone deserves happiness, including you.
If you're still struggling with negative emotions surrounding your divorce, it might be worth considering therapy or even support groups to connect with people who are going through the same things. Find a safe space to talk about all your feelings and let them loose. Journaling can help your mental health, too, giving you a way to get all those feelings out on paper and embrace self-love instead.
Once you've mastered your emotions, you'll be ready to open yourself up to love again.
Just Be Yourself
We get it. The dating world can be tough, and it's even harder when you're trying to get back out there. If you haven't dipped your toe in the dating waters and checked out the fish for a while (or even... years), then it might be all new and slightly terrifying.
The dating scene is constantly evolving, especially with the surge of dating apps in recent years. We're talking about new rules, new expectations, and just a new way of doing things.
However, if there's one thing that's the same, it's being true to yourself. After going through such a major life change, many people might be tempted to project a version of themselves that isn't quite true. But being genuine is one of the best things you can do for yourself and one of the best ways to attract a man or a woman. It will help you make real, authentic connections.
Think about yourself for a change. What are your hobbies, passions, and interests? What are your values? What are you willing to compromise on, and what boundaries do you need to set yourself to be happy? These will help you be yourself and find someone who appreciates the real you.
Don’t Rush Things
Once you've been through a divorce, you'll understand how quickly time can truly fly by. You blink once, and suddenly, years have gone by. Because of this, you might feel pressured to dive into a new relationship headfirst, especially if the loneliness has started creeping in.
But our advice is... don't!
Give yourself the space and time you need to heal and rebuild your confidence. Start by casually dating people to see if you click. Enjoy getting to know others and resist the urge to jump into another serious relationship straight away.
And, most importantly, enjoy the time getting to know yourself. Rediscover the person you were before you became someone's spouse.
This means when you meet that special someone, you'll be ready to create something truly authentic and magical with them.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Not everyone is who they say they are. Trust your instincts, especially when you're meeting people for the first time. Potential warning signs can include a lack of communication, controlling behavior, or lying - even if it's over the smallest things.
If something feels off about a person you're dating, don't leave your worries to fester. Ask them about it. It may seem scary, especially if you're really enjoying getting to know your date, but it's better to iron out any worries in the beginning rather than end up with a toxic person later down the line.
Live in the Moment
Dating after divorce doesn't just mean finding your next relationship. It's also a time to get to know yourself, meet new people, and just have fun. That's something you can't do if you're constantly worrying about what comes next or hoping this one works out.
Our advice is don't put so much pressure on the outcome - or yourself. Just enjoy the dates, the wining, and the dining. Trust us - once you lose yourself in the moment and learn to let go, love will come.
Dating After Divorce When You Have Kids
Divorce dating is hard enough, let alone when you have kids. There's not just you and your own feelings to consider - you also have to think about your children and how they might feel about the whole dating situation. But it's actually pretty common for divorced women or men to have children from their previous marriages, which means there are lots and lots of people in the same boat.
Here's how to navigate the dating waters if you have kids.
Be Honest With Your Kids
As parents, we try and protect our children. But the truth is, kids are clever, and they can sense when something's going on, even if they don't fully understand it. If you're going through big changes in your life, they're going to notice them, whether you want them to or not. That's why it's so important to be honest with them.
However, that doesn't mean you have to tell them everything. You know your kids best. Pick and choose which information to share and which to hold back. A lot of this comes down to age - you probably won't tell your 9-year-old the same thing as you would a 17-year-old. Just use your best judgment, and you'll find the right way.
Let your children know that they're still your number one priority, and remind them how much you love them. And if they're having any big feelings about you dating again, soothe their worries and let them know they can talk to you about it whenever they need to.
Let Your Potential Partner Know About Them
Just like with your kids, it's best to be honest with a potential new partner about your children, too. This way, they can decide whether they're ready for a relationship with kids early on and avoid disappointment later down the line. You might be tempted to keep it to yourself as you see how things go, but the sooner you're honest, the better.
And if you're date isn't interested now they know you have children? Then, good riddance - they're not the one for you! You can focus on a partner who is ready to let you (and your children) into their heart.
Don’t Introduce Your Kids Straight Away
This is a big one, especially if you're dating someone you've recently met online or you don't know much about them. But it isn't just about safety. Bringing a date into your children's lives too soon might confuse them, especially if you're introducing them to lots of new dates.
Your relationship should be starting to get serious before you introduce your new partner to your kids. Keep the meeting casual and low-pressure to make sure both your kids and your partner feel comfortable. Just keep in mind that building trust takes time.
Embracing That First Date After Divorce
You may not have been on a date in years - decades, even. Putting yourself out there to start dating again takes a whole lot of courage. But once you get past the hurdle of that first date, everything gets just a little bit easier. Here is some of our dating advice for men and women to make that first date after divorce go nice and smooth.
- Be Honest - We're not saying you have to give them your whole life story, but being upfront with your date about the important things will help you work out if they're for you.
- If You're Online Dating, Do a Background Check - You don't have to go full stalker mode. But if you've started talking to someone online, it won't hurt to check out their social media as well as their dating profile. If something doesn't feel right, you don't have to go through with the date.
- Do Something Fun - If you're worried about an awkward first dinner date with a potential new partner, who says you have to stick to dinner? Go rock climbing, join a pottery class, or go out dancing. The more fun you have, the better the date.
- Don't Let Yourself Be Pressured - Whether it's a first kiss, sex, or even revealing information you're not up to, don't do anything you don't want to do. There will be other dates with people who are happy to take their time.
Frequently Asked Questions About Dating After Divorce
How Long Should You Wait to Date After a Divorce?
There isn't a simple answer to this question because a lot of this depends on if you feel you're ready. Some people might feel like they're ready a few months after the divorce, whereas, for others, it might take years.
Some people might dive straight into dating to try and distract themselves from their own feelings.
The main thing to do is focus on yourself. Prioritize your own mental health and healing before diving into the dating pool. Focus on what makes you happy - whether it's your kids, rediscovering new hobbies, finding new friendships, or trying new interests. And when you're ready to fall in love again, you can do so with a full and happy heart.
How Do I Know I'm Ready to Date After Divorce?
There's no set way you'll truly know if you're ready. If you feel like you may be, the best thing to do is get out there and try it. However, there are some signs that may signal you've healed from your previous relationship and you're ready to start something new. They include:
- You're no longer dwelling on your ex or your past relationship.
- The thought of meeting new people and putting yourself out there makes you feel excited.
- You know exactly what you want in a partner.
- You're not afraid to create boundaries, and you know your deal breakers.
- You're open to both the joy and challenges of dating again.
Why is Dating After Divorce So Hard?
Dating, in general, can feel hard, but dating post-divorce might feel impossible. As a divorcee, you're probably carrying around a lot of emotional baggage, from worries of rejection to fears of change. Any advice you get from your friends and family might be conflicting, and it may be impossible to work out what's going on inside your own head - let alone someone else's.
But you're not alone. Many women and men struggle to date after divorce. But understand that it's hard and decide to do it anyway. In fact, there are dating apps out there specifically designed for divorced men or women, or even people over a certain age, to help them meet and mingle with like-minded individuals.
Only then can they find the right person.
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The Takeaways
Dating after a divorce can be scary, but it can also bring self-discovery, growth, hope, and new love. Once you learn to let go of old feelings and open yourself up to the possibility of change, you give yourself the chance to bring light and even more happiness into your life. But, most importantly, you start to discover parts of yourself you didn't even know existed.
Just make sure to take your time, trust your gut, and do what feels right in the moment. You'll find your way.
